The Good Side Of Having A baby At A Young Age

James Simpson Parenting Tips
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Teenage pregnancy has been a huge issue that our generation has been dealing with as of today. There are 3 out of 5 women who happen to get an accidental pregnancy, and most of their age ranges from 14 to 19 years old. Though it is something that our society has already accepted, there are still some common issues that relate to the case.

“[H]aving sex when you are teenager is not a deviant act since a majority of our children (just like us adults) do have sex at least once before our 18th birthday. Getting pregnant, or causing a pregnancy, is, however, a problem for most children and their families,” writes Michael Ungar, Ph.D.

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Adjustments You Have To Do When You Become A Mother

James Simpson Parenting Tips
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Becoming a mother is a blessing because it is one of the most incredible feelings a woman could ever imagine. It is the art of welcoming the changes in your life along with the unexpected challenges as well. “The first step to good adjustment is to understand the reality. The biggest myth is that this should be a time of idyllic happiness. It’s really a time of terrific challenge.” Arthur Kovacs, PhD explains. It is the time where you tend to focus on the important things rather than making your way out of the situations. This time, you tend to be more mature, practical, and open-minded.

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The 5 Typical Challenges New Moms Face

James Simpson Parenting Tips
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The joys and surprises a new baby brings might be endless, but for first-time moms, the arrival of a new tot could also signal many adjustments and challenges. We asked doctors, child therapists and other medical experts about the common hurdles new and first-time mothers often encounter and the strategies for handling each one. Pooling with the answers, we came up with a list of five along with solutions to help you cope up with each one.

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In Defense Of Formula Feeding

James Simpson The Working Mom

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“Breast milk is best for babies up to 2 years.” Placed on every formula milk packaging and heard on every formula milk commercial, this official statement reinforces a fact everyone already knows. Breast milk is the most reliable nutrition for babies, from newborns to toddlers.

Breast Is Best

Exclusive breastfeeding (EBF) is recommended for the first six months. Mixing breastmilk with formula and solid foods can follow after that time. Some parents continue to nurse even after the first year, which is a choice called extended breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is a choice you make for you and with your baby. As long as both of you wish to continue, you can nurse for as long as you would like to.

Considering Formula

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Breastfeeding does not work for everyone, however, and parents switch to formula for several reasons. Among them are low milk supply, problems with nursing efficiently, work schedule of parents, lack of desire to express milk while away from baby, lack of sleep due to nighttime feedings, health problems, lack of caregiving support from family or the community, and public policy particularly in the form of short maternity leaves.

With these concerns, breastfeeding may even become a cause of stress and may even seem one-sided. Your baby gets to eat, but you barely do. They get to sleep, but you hardly do. They get what they need—do you? Claire McCarthy, MD says “We need to remember that formula isn’t evil. In fact, sometimes it can be a tool to support breastfeeding — by supplementing newborns that have lost a risky amount of weight, by supplementing the milk supply of mothers who would otherwise give up entirely, by allowing working mothers who can’t pump enough milk for all their hours of work to keep breastfeeding as long as they would like. ”

 

Convenience is another reason for parents to choose formula. Your child’s food source is not biologically tied to you as the breastfeeding parent. Choosing to formula-feed provides more room for parents to accomplish other essential tasks in their lives while allowing other people in their lives to look after their child. According to Melissa Conrad Stöppler, MD, “The entire family can immediately become intimately involved in all aspects of the baby’s care, including feedings, allowing the mother to get more rest.” It is understandable to want this kind of leeway in movement, especially for new parents. After all, they juggle caring for a newborn, going to work, and adjusting to this massive change in their lifestyles.

Making this choice away from breast milk toward formula is unfortunately heavily stigmatized. The common argument against it is how milk substitutes are “less nutritious” than human milk and how your baby will then be “less protected” from health problems. Alexandra Sacks MD asserts this point, “I think that the social pressure on new mothers to breastfeed can, at times, be psychologically unhealthy. If you experience more stress than satisfaction from breastfeeding, it can be healthier for you and your baby to supplement with or switch fully to formula.” Hospitals in one city were even encouraged by public officials to hide their formula milk for more mothers to breastfeed.

The health value of breast milk for babies is virtually indisputable, but for many parents, formula milk is a sensible alternative whether by choice or by circumstance.

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Fed Is Best

Your baby is fed and never goes hungry—that’s the most important thing. All parents have the right to feed their baby as they choose, regardless of whether to breastfeed exclusively, to supplement with formula, or to completely bottle-feed formula to your baby. The “mom guilt” of needing to be the perfect mother by providing the best nutrition possible is easy to overcome once you experience the benefits of formula feeding.

Parents have a lot of reasons why they decide to exclusively formula-feed their baby, with the most notable being how they had a choice to do so. You do, too.

How Moms Can Bond With Their Sons

James Simpson Parenting Tips

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Many moms somehow feel more excited when they find out their baby is going to be a girl. In their mind, they begin to imagine the mother-daughter bonding bound to happen during cute toddler dress shopping, playdates, and braiding sessions, among others.

Let’s admit it: the mother-daughter bonding is unparalleled, but the mother-son bonding is a whole new experience altogether. For mothers at any stage in their son’s lives—whether it be in their toddler, high school, or college years—it’s never too late to be closer to your son. “Parent-child relationships develop over time, influenced by child characteristics, parent characteristics, and the contexts in which families operate.”, Neil Farber M.D, Ph.D., CLC, CPT explains.

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Speak Your Son’s Language

If girls bond through tea dates and dolls, boys do it in an entirely different manner. Boys (especially young ones) bond through physical activities with loads of energy to spare.

If you are genuinely dedicated to forming a deeper relationship with your son, then you should learn and speak his language. It means compromising on your end by trying to engage in activities that your son loves. It could be as simple as playing ball outside, enjoying a simple video game together (check here some of the recommended video games: FamilyHype), or teaching him stuff only “dad would teach him.” Knowing that what matters to him matters just as much to you, you will notice the difference in your relationship in no time.

Just the same, try and introduce him to the things that you love doing too. It will teach him new stuff outside of his comfort zone. He will also learn excellent social communication skills that will help him in the long run.

Gently Teach Him About Women

The parents’ role in their child’s development is of great consequence. For mothers, that comes with the responsibility of being the primary source of what their boys should know about girls and women alike.

Be ready, however, because boys are quick to dismiss the idea of emotions. But that’s just because their environment teaches them to be that way. Gently reminding them how to be respectful, how to act appropriately, and how to treat girls will ensure that they grow up as the best sons every parent can hope for. It will help them to be more sensitive towards all the women in their life, including you.

“Learning respect for women starts at home, when boys watch how their mothers, sisters, and other women are treated and talked about by men. So when men at home treat women like they’re equally worthy and valued as people with needs, feelings, intelligence, skills, and power, boys are much more likely to grow up to do the same.” Brian D. Johnson, Ph.D. and Laurie Berdahl, M.D. discuss.

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Be Patient

Boys tend to be shyer when it comes to showing emotions. They express themselves strongly through playful aggression that most mothers may not be used to.

Asking them what hurt them might take a little longer compared to girls. But remember that you are dealing with your child, and it is essential to let them have their own time to sort out what they feel. Do not rush them to confide because this will only push them to shut feelings away. Instead, slowly but surely coax them into trusting you enough to hear what they have to say.

Take note of what their language is, and approach them accordingly. After some time, they will come around too. “If you don’t have a good relationship with your child, they’re not going to listen to you. ” reminds Ruby Natale PhD, PsyD.

Each child is different. There is certainly no one-size-fits-all method when it comes to parenting. But for mothers looking to strengthen their relationship with their sons, these helpful tips might be a good start. Soon enough, they’ll all be mommy’s boys too!

For New Moms: How To Deal With Postpartum Depression

James Simpson Mother's Self Care

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For soon-to-be mothers, carrying a baby for nine months is stressful enough as it is. However, the moment after giving birth poses even higher risks not only for the baby but also for the mother’s health.

Women’s hormones go into a highly unstable state after birthing. It causes a couple of psychological issues such as mood swings, feeling of isolation, helplessness, and lack of self-esteem, among others. These, along with other stressors right after giving birth, make up for what is now commonly known as postpartum depression (PPD). To understand more about this condition, visit BetterHelp.com for helpful information.

What Is Postpartum Depression?

Postpartum depression affects one in seven mothers. Susan Hatters Friedman, MD, wrote, “As a society, we expect it to be the happiest time of a woman’s life. A lot of women don’t report if they’re having symptoms.” It should not be confused with the baby blues syndrome, as postpartum depression is more severe.

Postpartum depression is severe in that it can last longer and can include suicidal thoughts or being unable to take care of their newborn. Usually, it happens right after giving birth due to sudden hormonal changes that the woman experiences. To add to this, the stress of going through drastic physical changes, lack of sleep, and the process of healing after childbirth contribute to the development of postpartum depression.

At the onset, it may seem like postpartum depression only affects mothers. But it affects the entire family in a myriad of ways.

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First, it will cause a disconnect between the woman and her partner since the woman may feel like she is not getting the support she needs. The emotional gap will soon take over their lives negatively.

Second, the newborn/child will not get the attachment and bonding s/he needs to grow healthily. Ellen Hendriksen, PhD, wrote that “this goes way beyond taking awhile to bond, which is normal.” Studies even show that it has long-term effects on children. This behavior from the mother may contribute to the child growing up with cognitive disorders, lack of social skills, and issues with emotional attachment. It may stem from the mother forming an irrational dislike for her child or neglecting tasks like feeding and taking good care of the baby.

Lastly, it also influences the mother’s relationship with her other social circles. PPD isolates the mother and disallows her to rebuild meaningful connections even with long-term friends.

How To Treat Postpartum Depression?

Despite the severity of PPD, it can be effectively treated once diagnosed. The most vital way is to create a secure bond with your baby, which can be as simple as holding your baby as much as you can. Respond gently and kindly whenever the baby does something, as it will spark the connection between you and the child.

Remembering that you are not alone in motherhood is also a great help for mothers. Rosalind S. Dorlen, PsyD, suggests that you “talk openly about your feelings with your spouse, family, friends, and healthcare professionals.” Mothers need to make time for their friends by inviting them over for coffee or letting them help take care of the baby. Doing so will not only help ward off the feeling of isolation in the mother but can also aid in relieving her stress.

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Aside from support from friends, it is the best time to rely on the mother’s partner instead of braving the stress alone. They are sure to help through this tough time, and the mother should maintain trust and confidence, however hard it is.

Of course, do not forget to take care of yourself too. It is a necessity that you need to prioritize. Several triggers for postpartum depression are also related to physical changes happening to the woman’s body, such as hair loss and weight gain. To help with this, mothers can try slowly easing back to mild exercise or taking vitamins.

Motherhood is stressful, but with the proper support system, it certainly doesn’t have to be depressing. Congratulations, new moms!

Am I Really JUST A Mom?

James Simpson Mother's Self Care

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We’re all too familiar with the motherhood archetype. It depicts a prim and proper woman who has it all together. She is a great wife, an excellent cook, and a diligent PTA meeting attendee. She does everything over again the next day. She is a woman who knows all the how-tos of motherhood and doesn’t complain one bit. How many mothers haven’t rolled their eyes or got pressured by this picture-perfect idea once in their lives? Let me tell you—just a few to none.

So What’s The Deal?

For the longest time, society has told women several times that motherhood is a job and a vocation. And there has just been too many lunch dates with veteran mom friends that turned into self-doubting sessions. Instead of catching up with friends, it turned into thinking whether we’re doing worse or less compared to them. There had only been enough “You’re a mother. Own it!” and “Why aren’t you staying at home with your kids? Why are you using that product? Enroll your kid in this and that. Quit your job! Don’t neglect motherhood!” before you get so beat down by all these external pressures. But one thing they do not tell you is this: it’s okay. Surprise! You’re not just a mother.

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It happens way too often—you spend years on your career only for your peers to ignore you once you push out a baby. Suddenly, you are solely a mom. You’re no longer a doctor, a writer, an artist, an engineer, or whoever you were nine months prior.

There is nothing terrible with accepting that maybe you are defined by your motherhood at the moment. If you have chosen to quit your job for your baby, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But just the same, owning who you are and acknowledging that being a mom is only one part of you is just as acceptable. It doesn’t mean that you love your child any less; it’s just that you have the mental capacity to know you are someone more.

Own Yourself

High expectations cause many mothers to get so unnecessarily guilty, thinking that they aren’t enough for their children. But in reality, they are doing just fine. Own yourself. You’ll realize sooner or later that that is more important than just owning motherhood.

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Remember that you can be so much more than only being a mother. The bottom line is you are not JUST a mom. You are also a sister, a daughter, a friend, a wife, or a professional. You are not defined by how many diapers you were able to change, how many playdates you were able to do, or how often your kid cries at night.

Let us do away with caging women in motherhood because being caged is what they are going to feel—trapped instead of fulfilled. Rather, let’s begin looking at motherhood as what it is—a regular part of a woman’s life. It’s not her title and never what defines her.